(purely touch typed. From my mind to the keyboard, not ooking, no editing.)
As I lay here on my bed, almost 2 in the morning, lappy on my legs bent up, lamp on, eyes closed, I’m bombarded with thoughts about the future. I’m already incoming into my 4th year of college and…wait, 4th year of college. I’m stilled baffled by this though that I’m going into my 4th year of college. It felt like only a couple of weeks ago when I was complaining that I was already in my last year of high school. Whatever…what can I do.
And of course with the thought of becoming a senior student, there’s no stopping the reflec of wondering what your future would be; where am I gonna end up working, where will I go, where will my friends go? The very latter is what concerns me a lot at this point. To graduate would mean look for work, which would mean I would have to make a new set of friends…again and only keep in contact with my other circles of friends through Facebook and Twitter, although even that gets meticulous.
I really don’t want to go through that painstaking process again, I don’t think I can take anymore of it especially with that fact that I have met a lot of people who have changed my life. So what do I do…I mean, it’s not like I’ll end up forgetting my friends and these people. No, never. They would always remain in my subconscious, never to fall into my unconscious (I learned about that in my Philosophy class haha_. The friends I have now and the friends I have made before will forever be my friends and will always be in my memory, but the thought of not being with most of them physically, or rather so far away really bothers me. Like, I’m no stranger to this so you’d expect me to already be used to it.
No, I’m not, and I don’t think I ever can be. I grow attached to people to the point where somehow they become a small piece in my life.
I dozed off for a couple of seconds there. haha
But what about everything else? Other than Where will I be, I should also ask myself what the heck am I gonna do with my life? I want to do so much, but where does the border lie that separates what I want to do and what, say, my parents expect me to do? I mean, I can do what they expect of me, but can I not also do what I want to do? Make my own decisions whether they be life changing or not? For goodness sake, I’m turning 21 this year, and I’ll be graduating at 22. The least I could be given is the power to think for myself and act accordingly to them by myself.
Whatever.
And my eyes are getting heavy which is my queue to sleep.
Goodnight.
I was at McDonalds the other day and saw this - the Kiddie Crew! It was unbelievably cute, especially at the drive-thru counter where the kids had to go on their tippy toes just so they could reach far enough to give the customers their orders.
They should have an Age 18-21 crew!
But I guess that’d be called job employment. Haha.
I think I may have just lost all my dignity. I don’t care about pride anymore, or my ego.
I can’t stand by what I speak out for even a day.
It doesn’t matter if I’m right. In the end I wil always believe I’m wrong.
Whatever. I’m used to it already.
I need a night, where I just want to sit atop a large grassy hill. Just laying there, gazing at the brightness of the moon and the scattered stars that fill the sky.
Just one of those nights would be nice.
How do you know when you’ve messed up? When you’ve had everything you ever needed in the palm of your hand suddenly slip away? You became too foolish, too ignorant, too full of yourself that you thought it would never leave you. Well it’s gone now, leaving nothing but a single spark of hope that it may return to you.
It was almost like a dream turning into a reality, something you never thought would become real. But just like everything else, its existence is as if it were suspended by stranded rope. Every wrong move slowly chips away each strand, until one single thread is left.
That one single thread, holding all that weight of the dream as it becomes heavier every second it becomes a reality. The thread, becoming more and more pressured, weakening as the weight becomes more. All that stress on that poor single thread, just waiting to be relieved with a simple touch.
Once the thread breaks, then the dream disappears, becoming merely a memory, then a forgotten thought.
I hope that thread doesn’t break.
But can it take all the weight of its burdens?
I don’t know.
I just hope that the thread doesn’t break.
Hello, stranger.
How have you been? It’s been a long while since the last time we’ve talked. How is your life going so far? And your family? I hope they’re all doing fine. Me? I have so much to talk about, so many things to say, so many experiences I want to share.
Hello, stranger. Have I told you of how much my life has changed since the last time we’ve talked? Has it changed for the good or the bad? I really don’t know. I hope it’s for the good, but then again, what is good for you? Let me tell you this, my life has changed. A lot. And I’m pretty sure I’ve changed, too.
A lot.
Hello, stranger. Have I told you of my achievements recently? Well, I guess you didn’t miss out on much there. Don’t get me wrong, I think I’ve accomplished a lot. At least that’s what I think. If I told you about them, would you appreciate them too? Nah, I don’t think you would. You’re just a stranger, you wouldn’t care. How about my failures? Have I told you about them? I would love to share them with you, you know, but I wouldn’t know where too begin.
Or if it would even end.
Hello, stranger. Have I told you that I’m happy with my life right now? I mean, with all these gifts and blessings I’ve been receiving, it should be hard for me to be unhappy, right? I’ve met people who have made me happy, you could even say they’ve made me at my happiest. I’m happy. Really. Believe me, I am. Even if by chance you would see me walking around school, head down, staring at the concrete pavement, with the biggest frown on my face, I’m still happy. But you’re just a stranger, you wouldn’t care. What if I told you I wasn’t happy? Would that make a difference?
Maybe I’m not happy.
Hello, stranger. Have I told you of my secrets? You know, there are so many things about me that I want to tell you. There are just too many secrets; too many unknown things that I want to share with somebody. My thoughts, my emotions, my experiences; I can’t keep this all to myself. I want to talk to somebody, to at least somehow help me untangle my mixed-up self. But you’re just a stranger, you don’t care. What if I told you one secret? One thing that no one else knows? Would you want to know?
I still wouldn’t tell you.
Hello, stranger. Why am I speaking to you? Are you even listening? I thought that you would be interested. Though, why would you? You’re just a stranger, you don’t care. So I guess it would be better for me to keep everything to myself, again. I thought you wanted to listen to me rant, complain, share, express. I guess you didn’t. Why would you? You’re just a stranger, you don’t care.
Maybe I’m just being selfish. Maybe, I’m stuck in an endless cycle of needing someone to listen to me. Maybe I just need to remind myself that not everyone is going to care all the time.
Not even the ones closest to you.
See you, stranger. Maybe one day you wouldn’t be a stranger to me. You could be something more to me, someone significant, maybe? A familiar face even. I could say, goodbye, friend? Goodbye, foe? Goodbye, someone I know?
Oh, that’s all in due time I guess. So, for now…
Goodbye, stranger.
axls:
- Irene Adler/Rachel McAdams
- The ever ominous Moriarty
- Mycroft exactly how I imagined him
- Reichenbach
- Gay
- Gay
- NOOMI RAPACE
- Action
- Gay
- Gay
- Gay
- Fanservice
- Deduction skills
- Action
- Gay
- Gay
- EDIT : LITTLE PONY
- Gay
- Forest scene where I almost jizzed my pants
- Gay
- Gay
- You have to listen and see through all the gay coz the threads are all connected
- Chess
- OUTCOME : INEVITABLE
- Motherfucking ending freaked me out. EPIC FORESHADOWING IS EPIC.
This, this, and all the above.
Keep one, give the other to a friend and you’ll always be connected!
Available from J!NX
Better yet, give the other one to your geeky significant other. =))
HNNNNNNNNNNG. WANT. HAHA
(via dorkvader)